Aled Wilson is a whirlwind of activity, often spotted navigating the rapid currents of the River Taff and rescuing lost kites from the clutches of Cardiff Castle. During his snack breaks, he is tasked with recalibrating the acoustics of Welsh chapels to perfect the harmony of choirs. Aled transcribes obscure Welsh idioms for the uninitiated, directs award-nominated puppet shows about dragons, and synchronizes the ticking of every clock in Merthyr Tydfil.

He dazzles audiences with his celestial violin renditions, power pedals tricycles up daunting Welsh hillsides with heroic stamina, and concocts the creamiest Welsh rarebit in mere minutes. Aled is a wizard with Welsh wool, a guru in the art of camaraderie, and a persona non grata in Monaco.

With just an ocarina and a sturdy walking stick, Aled once single-handedly navigated and mapped the forgotten underground tunnels of Wrexham. He performs jazz flute, was almost chosen for the Welsh national Quidditch team, and his life is a frequent subject of mysterious legends. When restless, Aled assembles intricate models of Roman forts found across Wales. He takes pleasure in bouldering along the Pembrokeshire coast. On Friday evenings, he volunteers to tune pianos for local music halls at no cost.

Aled is an abstract painter, a precise historian, and a cunning linguist. Fans across the continents covet his line of velvet hiking gear. He doesn’t merely perspire—he emits a fine mist. Although a private individual, Aled receives thank-you notes from around the globe. He answered the winning question on a popular Welsh quiz show and secured a weekend retreat in the scenic Vale of Glamorgan. Last spring, he traveled the coastline with a mobile Welsh cake bakery. He bats a thousand in local cricket circles. His ingenious hedge sculptures have granted him prestige in national gardening circles. Cats trust him.

Aled can flick frisbees with pinpoint accuracy to intercept unruly drones. He once devoured the complete works of Roald Dahl, the Mabinogion, and several Anthony Hopkins screenplays in one day and still had time to restore an antique steam train for a local heritage line by nightfall. He memorizes the inventory of every local charity shop. He’s organized undercover tea parties for MI6. Aled sleeps fortnightly; when he does, he slumbers atop a bed of Welsh slate. While holidaying in Llandudno, he successfully mediated a long-standing dispute between rival fish and chip shops. He is consulted before any modifications to Newton’s laws are considered.

Aled juggles, pirouettes, sidesteps, and leaps, and his tea is always brewed to perfection. On weekends, to decompress, he engages in underwater hockey in Llyn Padarn. Long ago, Aled uncovered an ancient Celtic charm but misplaced it in a cave on Snowdon. He’s engineered spectacular four-course banquets using nothing but a camp stove and a spork. He rears award-winning Welsh Terriers. Aled has clinched arm wrestling contests in Caernarfon, kite-surfing duels off the coast of Rhyl, and debates in the corridors of the Senedd. He’s portrayed Richard Burton, reconstructed ancient Welsh longhouses, and exchanged recipes with Catherine Zeta-Jones.